||[Jan. 12th, 2013|05:42 pm]
So, In the last 2 months I have seen my life change in so many ways I never could have imagined. I had a manager at work that put a bunch of lies about me on my annual eval. He wrote my up for something that never happened. He accused me of something else that never happened. In fact, the other people who were supposedly involved in my wright-up worthy incidents, were never even spoken to about all the made-up accusations. They were both so mad when they found out. By then, it was too late. I refused to sign my eval or the written correction and handed in my resignation. Of course, I spent 2 days crying about it. I've never had anything like that happen at any job in my whole life! Two weeks later, I was out of a job. I was so stressed out by the whole thing that I got the worst cold/flu that I have ever had. I actually had to call in sick for my last day, because everyone kept telling me to all week. They were sick of me coughing and sniffling. I only kept coming in because I had one more shift with giant (5'4",230lb) nemisis. I had to prove to myself that this bully didn't scare me. I know that sound stupid now, considering that I quit over it. At least that day I didn't feel like a pathetic loser.
The very next day, which was also my 22nd wedding anniversary, my Mom called and said that me stepdad, who's had cancer for at least 10 years, had been in the hospital and was getting out the next day. She needed me to come take care of him during the days so she could work. My last actual day was Saturday. On Monday I was at Mom's. I drove 45 minutes there and back 4 days in a row. I was late to Sabrina's birthday party one night. I let Sabrina skip school on Friday to come with me and spend time with Grampa. However, my Mom called on Thu night to tell me that he was in the hospital again. We went to the hospital on Fri instead. He finally came home on Monday, on hospice care. I kinda moved in. While he was in hospital, his children invaded my Mom's house. They had visited once in 10 years. All of a sudden, they love their father and want to help take care of him. Whatever!
Anyway, I got to spend lots of time with my stepdad that no one else got. We talked and listened to classic rock. We watched tv and sat in silence. It was great, in hindsight. He was so stubborn. No matter how weak he was, he always wanted to get up and walk around. I let him. I had nothing better to do than walk around the house waiting to catch him if he fell, literally nothing better to do. The only times he ever actually fell were when I wasn't there. He had a son who was in school to become a paramedic, without any previous experience in the field, of any kind. Dork!
They all finally left after a few days. They said things that made my Mom happy, so that's good. I stayed and took care of Michael day and night. I gave meds every 3 hours. Assisted hospice staff with exams and bathing, etc. I finally felt useful. I've been a little bitter since Bonnie died in the middle of the night, without me there to help her. Almost like she did it on purpose. But Michael wanted me there. He would complain whenever he was left alone with Mom the week before. Mom kept telling me that I was so good at it. After 41 years, I was actually needed and finally good at something. I still really miss Bonnie, though.
On Friday night Mom sent me home. I had a Christmas party to go to and she thought I needed a break. I actually felt fine, but I had RSVP'd that I'd be there. Besides, I love Christmas and Christmas parties. I had a great time and fell asleep happy. I missed the 6 am call that Michael had died. I wasn't there, again. My Mom was alone when it happened. I'd failed.
We spent the next week planning and taking care of final arrangements. My friend Bob died the next weekend. Then, we buried Michael on Friday. His church service was Saturday, the same day as Bob's. It was also the same day as Tyler's 1 year anniversary memorial. I didn't make it to Bob's or Tyler's. I'm such a terrible friend. I only made it to Zumba once in the entire month of December. And, I still had no job. LOSER. Plus, while I was at the lunch thing afterwards, my psycho sister called to tell me that she's moving in with me. She also has 2 young sons.
I went to Portland a couple of days before Christmas, to hang out with Sarah. She died my hair. I got a little purple and teal in the back. I like it. We drove to Salem for dinner with Nana and Pierre on Christmas Eve. We went back to Salem on Christmas day and met up with Joey, Collin and Sabrina. Sarah and Jon went went back to Portland that night. We all stayed 2 more nights. I had a crazy allergic reaction or something. Right at the start of dinner, I suddenly had trouble breathing. It got worse when I tried to talk. I took some benadryl and slept for about 5 hours. Awesome! Merry Christmas.
We finally went home a couple of days later. Collin and his girlfriend Katelyn started packing for a trip to
Arizona. She's from Arizona. They left last Monday. Jenette and the boys got here on Tuesday. I have been driving her around all over town all week. ESD, Job Council, library, recovery meeting, ER, everywhere. I even took her to Zumba with me on night. I'm so tired. It's almost the middle of January, my house is no longer mine and I STILL have no job. I won't have any ambulance shifts until Feb. My car payment is a month and a half late. I haven't worked in over a month, but I still haven't really had a day off either.